Part of me is sorry I ever wrote that artist statement. Part of me is sorry I ever presented my paper at the honors colloquium. All the talk I do about the necessity of authentic human relationships and collaborative construction of values and meaning seems hypocritical of me. The truth is I've met to many hostile people in my life and I am so weary of being asked to be understanding of them. Some people just hate me for no reason, and my life would be easier if they weren't in it. So part of me wants to say fuck it. Let them choke on their own shit, I'm never going back, I'm leaving your sinking ships, and I hope you all drown.
I wish I could have put all that more constructively, but as you can imagine I'm not in the greatest mood.
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2 comments:
this is nick i forgot my password again lol. i don't get your post tho why are you sorry you posted the artist statement and presented at the colloquium? there are assholes in the world but i think we've all had some amazingly positive experiences with real genuine ppl to see that there is hope out there, i just read ur previous post about ur amazing date, shoudln't that be enough to realize the joy in authentic human relationships?
Yeah your absolutely right Nick. I was just in a state of self absorbed nonsense. I was feeling very pessimistic and being foolish. What was getting me down was my inability to see my siblings and my mom down in North Carolina without having some jackass harass me about being half white. I want to be a part of my families life down there but I can't stand subjecting myself to prejudice like that. I feel weak that I don't face it head on and I feel hopeless in that I can't change the people who make life so difficult for my family and I.
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